By: Thunderbolt Editors
Dear Editor,There’s this senior baddie in my AP Physicsbut they never notice me sinceI sit in the back. How do I ask them out? (Thehuzz is in my 3rd period by the way.)
As you’re two years younger than your crush, theyprobably don’t share the same feelings with you, muchless even know you exist. To get them to like you backthough, try building up your relationship with themby leaving anonymous gifts of chocolates, flowers,and passionate poems in their locker. Eventually, justmail these sweet treats to their home! Soon enough,they’ll become so enamored by your acts of kindness,that they won’t even care that you’re a sophomore <3
Dear Editor,Last week my best friends got into one of themost horrific fights I’ve EVER witnessed. Now,I’m in the middle of it all and have no ideawhat to do. how can I bring back peace in ourfriend group!?
Like any good friend, I imagine you just want tohelp your besties, but in all honesty, just let theconflict settle itself. Pretend that everything’sfine and just play dumb. When they come for helpor to complain about one another, try saying, “yousound crazy”, “are you sure?”, or even “huh”. Likeyou, they’ll eventually forget what happened. As Ioften say, ignorance is bliss!
Dear Editor,I’m failing all my classes because I can’tstop playing Block Blast. Gotta make thisquick BTW…I’m in the middle of a game rn.I almost beat my high score! Anyway, whatshould I do?
In your best interest, it’d be best to step awayfrom Block Blast. . . and try a different game! Apersonal favorite of mine is Roblox. The bestpart is that you can be anything on Roblox likea therapist, barista, or model! With the endlessoptions of career choices in-game, you don’t evenhave to pay attention in class anymore. So whileyou may still be failing all your classes, at leastyou have a job to clock into at the end of the day!
Dear Editor,As you may know, we’ve had, like, a millionfire drills in the past month. Between you andme, I’m the problem! Every time I try to vape, Iaccidentally set off the alarms. I was wonderingif you had any advice for me on how to avoid
Hi Helpless Harold. Thanks for bringing this toour attention. So actually, we’re pretty worriedabout you right now…how are your lungs? Vapingis really bad for your body, and the best solutionfor this is to stop. Hope this helps <3
Dear Editor,So college decision season is getting me down. Igot REJECTED from my dream school 🙁 How can Iconvince them to take me in!?!!???
Chances are your loved ones are currently tellingyou “rEjeCtiOn iS reDiReCtioN”; but ignore them! Toreally impress the admissions office, assert yourdominance and personally contact them. I recommendemailing an admissions officer and if they don’trespond after the next five emails, try visiting theirhouse! Google exists for a reason. You may think yourdream school doesn’t want you, but in reality they’rejust playing hard to get.
Dear Editor,I have a HUGE crush on someone. They’re tall, kind,brave, loves to wear hats, and has an axe (by theway, it’s the Viking). What should I do? They’re sopopular and there’s always a huge crowd aroundthem. I just get lost in those big black beady eyes…
Assuming you’re talking about our mascot. . . I’m notsure about that one. To get over your little crush,just ask yourself, “When was the last time thatsuit was washed?” And if that doesn’t work, there’salways therapy!